A few weeks after returning to work because my glorious 12 week maternity leave had come to an end, I had just made my 30 minute commute from work to pick up my little ones, when I received a lofty Facebook message from an acquaintance asking me to buy something she was selling.
At the time I was really struggling with the emotions of going back to work. I had to leave my still brand new baby every morning around 6:45 AM, and the earliest I could get back to them was 3:30 PM.
Getting to them at 3:30 PM meant that I felt guilty for leaving my classroom and coworkers behind. My grade level would often meet and plan together after school; while I crept down the hall and slipped out the door, hoping they’d remember the days of having little ones, and forgive me for not contributing.
Once I arrived to pick up my babies I would often be so exhausted from the day, that I felt like they were getting second best.
It seemed as if I was giving myself to someone else’s child all day. I was too exhausted for my own child that evening. Hearing of milestones they met, or new things they were doing hurt too; as happy as I was to hear the great news, my heart broke that I missed it. I struggled with the thoughts of my kids loving their caretaker more than me, or them not understanding where “home” was.
With a goal to nurse for at least a year, I was still breastfeeding. Between the pumping at work and in the car, painful engorgement, leaking, and the constant chore of transporting milk and cleaning pump parts, I battled my decision to continue to breastfeed daily.
And there sat the Facebook message. Sent from a former teacher and mother of two little ones. She had become a stay at home mom, and was selling books, or makeup, or something on the side.
Her polite inquiry for me to buy something from her, absolutely enraged me, down to my very core.
Here I was with no choice, but to go back to work, to meet my financial obligations. Struggling daily to be a good teacher, coworker, mom, wife, and take care of myself, and she wanted my money. I wanted to tell her so bad that I would not contribute to her having the best of both worlds. No dollar of mine was going to let her enjoy an income while she raised her children at home. I wanted to hurt her feelings. Her quick little message, that she probably sent to the masses, was the icing on the cake in my world.
Her message is one of many I’ve received since I went back to work last spring. I’ve never replied to any of them. I just delete them, and try to extinguish the little fire that’s ignited inside me. Even I started my blog as an attempt to one day be able to work from home.
I feel jealous of these women that get to stay home. I know it takes guts for them to put themselves out there and reach out to people to sell things. I’m sure they miss adult conversations, jamming out on the way to work, while sipping coffee, but I miss time with my kids.
Maybe they are selling things to have some cash of their own, or maybe they too have financial obligations. No miracle mascara, embroidered bag, or children’s book is going to be purchased with the money I earned, while being away from my kids.
Clare says
I came across this blog post on Pinterest. As a mom of1 year old twins I really struggle with all the moms critizing other moms on what they do whether they work full time, work part time out of the home or are a work at home mom or a stay at home mom. Each decision is so hard for each woman to make. I personally work part time out of the home for many reasons none of which I need to explain. But my reason for posting is we should all support each other in whatever decision we decide. Being a mom
is hard work and we don’t need other moms judging one another we should support and lift each other up for whatever decisions they make. Just my two cents
Dana says
I totally see your perspective in this, thank you for sharing <3