Ok, I’m allowed to say this because I have crossed the threshold between my 1st pregnancy and motherhood. If you are pregnant with your first child (and have no other children) do yourself a favor and SHUT UP! And I mean that in the kindest way possible, of course.
Yes, you are pregnant with an actual child, yes you are entitled to your own opinions, and goodness knows you have 5,000 of those already, but every time you open your mouth in regards to your birth plan (Ha!), parenting style, or how your baby is going to sleep through the night, you are digging yourself deeper and deeper.
Every single time I failed (and fail) to live up to those goals and aspirations I had for myself and my child, I feel ashamed, like a big, fat, failure.
At times, I’m hesitant to admit that I was right there in the trenches with you. I had my entire pregnancy planned out from start to finish. I had my birth plan written down, I was going to be the best parent ever and my child was never going to cry because it was going to get everything that it needed from me 24/7 and I was going to wake up each and every morning with the sun rays shining through the blinds on my super rested eyelids due to the fact that my newborn slept through the entire night. Ah, those innocent, naive thoughts I had…
AS IF PARENTING ISN’T ALREADY HARD ENOUGH, DON’T ADD TO IT BY SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR FAILURE TIME AND TIME AGAIN.
Instead, why not be real? Accept the fact that you are going to cry right along with your newborn on more than a few days…(quite a few, actually!) Your boobs will be sore and will never quite be the same shape again, your body will ache in areas that you never thought possible, and sleeping through the night is something that you can look forward to in another 5-6 years.
Instead of setting yourself up for failure, why not set yourself up to succeed with some real thoughts?!
I don’t recommend using the words “never,” ever, and don’t argue with someone that gives you advice on what you plan to do instead. Plan to prove yourself with your actions, not your words.
And if somehow every single one of your plans that you have made before the baby was born do actually come true and happen, then please – you have to let me know. I’ll proudly shake the hand of a mom who clearly has her stuff together when the rest of us moms can’t seem to even find a matching pair for our other sock. (Seriously, where do those go?!)
My final note to pass on? Life happens. What you think is good one moment, may be horrible the next. And from the time of being pregnant to having a baby, a lot of things change! Please, please, please take my advice and roll with those changes. Be open to hearing what others say, be open to understanding viewpoints from other moms and those who have gone through pregnancy, and just do us all a favor and smile and nod when we speak.
While we are tired and are fueled 100% by caffeine. We do have some solid advice that we trickle in here and there!
Here’s a pic of me when I thought that my baby would never have formula and sleep in his crib from day one. Too bad the first thing he ever had was a bottle of formula, and he slept in the bed with us until he was fourteen months old.
Trust me…I get it. You are getting a ton of advice, especially the outdated old school advice, and that can get really, really, old. And absolutely, you’re more than entitled to your own opinions and plans. But keep it to yourself. You have no earthly idea what you’re in for, and people are only trying to help.
Thank you for reading my post! What is the craziest advice you’ve gotten?
Sabra Casey says
Such a great article, thank you for sharing!